whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize