Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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