Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
