god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I want her autograph on my taint
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
