My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
