what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
