He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
