I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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