My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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