I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
