Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
When did angry sex become our thing?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
