Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
