one word: firstdatebathroomanal
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize