Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
