If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
