you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
