hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
as a side note pls kill me
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
