What did we do last night that was yellow?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
