wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
