Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
