I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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