There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
