who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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