this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
