So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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