Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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