just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
