Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I could make wine with my vomit
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
