She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
