i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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