I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize