How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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