apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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