OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
accomplished twins. life is a go
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Randomize
