I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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