is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
