I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
