he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
