He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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