Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
