Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
