Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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