Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
