he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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