Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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