Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
