GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
