Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
high people should be assigned attendants
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
