in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
