she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize