roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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