i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
