do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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