you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
