Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
