you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
