I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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