I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
