saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
