My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
