Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Randomize
