so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I want to fling myself into the sun
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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