if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
