So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
