i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
