i think my tv is drunk
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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