Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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