OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
