4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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