WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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