this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
