so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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