I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
